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So bad it’s terrible: The Battery review

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The Battery has a tendency to make its way onto horror movie lists to watch. The list writers urge you to go seek them out and see them as soon as possible!

Unfortunately I would rather put it on a list of horror movies to avoid as this is movie pretty bad, making its way onto our list: So bad it’s terrible!

Synopsis from imdb:

Two former baseball players, Ben (Jeremy Gardner) and Mickey (Adam Cronheim), cut an aimless path across a desolate New England. They stick to the back roads and forests to steer clear of the shambling corpses that patrol the once bustling cities and towns. To survive, they must overcome the stark differences in each other’s personalities. Ben embraces an feral, lawless, and nomadic lifestyle while Mickey is unable to accept the harsh realities of the new world and longs for the creature comforts he once took for granted. A bed, a girl and a safe place to live. When the men intercept a radio transmission from a thriving, protected community, Mickey will stop at nothing to find it, even though it’s made clear that he is not welcome. Written by Anonymous

The Battery 2012

From the synopsis of The Battery it sounded like something I would like – as I am a big horror movie fan. When I read that the story is about two former baseball players who are cutting an aimless path around New England during the zombie apocalypse, trying to survive by sticking to the back roads and clashing with each other’s personalities – I thought – yes – this might be for me.

Alas – in the hands of a better writer and more competent director this would have worked and turned into a pretty good horror movie – sadly not the case in this movie. From research into the movie it turns out the budget was about $6000, which unfortunately shows. The zombie makeup isn’t done well at all. I guess the zombie extras were friends and family as most of the zombies in the movie is done really badly.

They say when you’re starting out to make movies and trying to learn the craft, starting with a drama is something you should avoid, and unfortunately this shows in this movie. From the Wikipedia entry it said that the film was filmed – “seat of the pants” – which shows…

I want to like The Battery and even when most of the reviews of the movie are positive, I feel like an outsider. The film just felt loose. Maybe I am too old and not a hipster, but the film was just plain boring. There’s not much I can remember from the movie – I kept thinking to myself when watching “Let’s give it another 10 minutes, it’s going to get good. People on the internet could not be wrong could they?.” Unfortunately they were.

The Battery isn’t a movie for everyone – there are people who love the movie. I am unfortunately not one of them. I wanted to like it based on the premise but I felt it was badly done and written.

Conclusion: Avoid at all costs! If it shows on TV one night and nothing better is on, put your TV off and read a book.